I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
