i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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