mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
