I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Enjoy the penises
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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