he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
