my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
