I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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