FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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