I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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