Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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