I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
