i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
