I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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