I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
