is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
