It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
