I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
