After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
