Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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