at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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