Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
