i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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