Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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