please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
