just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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