You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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