Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
