dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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