Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
