I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize