thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
