Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
