Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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