Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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