I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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