He uses pillows to masturbate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
