This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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