Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
