i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
