if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
