What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
