I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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