i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
