Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
