I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
