it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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