I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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