today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk is not a location!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
