ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
