The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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