if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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