Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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