omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
