You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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