I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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