Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
