Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
