I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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