I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
