He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My life is pants optional.
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