So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
