so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
