4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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