dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
