my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So many bounce houses so little time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
